I’m supposed to be doing work right now but, memories from the past and these tears are making it really hard for me. As usual, I don’t know how to talk to people about my issues so I write them down instead. I suppose its cause this way I don’t have to feel like I’m actually display my emotions upfront in front of a person. I’ve switched my BB off. I don’t really feel like talking at all. I’m just going to write whatever comes out of my heart. No edits. No alterations.
I used to think I hated you for all the things you did to my mum. The way you brought other women home, slept outside and abused her for standing up for herself. I swore to myself that I’d never be like you, no matter what it took from me but everyday that goes by, I find myself shaping more and more into the person you were. I know each man is in control of his/her own destiny but, why am I following your footsteps as I’m trying and make my own? The age of 17, I think was the age I needed you the most and you weren’t there. (Dad you’re making me cry as I write this in the library) With all my heart I love her for what she has been for me but, my mother can’t teach me how to be a man. That’s what you were meant to fulfil. And you didn’t. I made HUGE mistakes in the act of becoming a man.
I DON’T HATE YOU! I want you to know that I LOVE YOU. I just wish you could have stayed longer and I really can’t understand why God would want to take Oni, Oseremen, Osemudiamen & Eromosele’s father away from them. I know you never chose to die and I know you never meant to leave us fatherless. I hope your soul is heaven and I hope we all meet there again someday. Till that day, I’m going to think about you and make you proud.
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